I'm Probably Not Angry

I’ve realized that when I feel anger, I’m usually not actually angry. More often than not, it’s a secondary emotion...a reaction to deeper feelings of hurt or disconnection.

The shift happens so quickly now that I usually bypass those underlying emotions entirely and go straight to rage, almost without noticing it. It comes from moments of feeling unseen, unheard, or misunderstood, and often shows up when I feel overlooked or forgotten—like when I tell someone something meaningful about myself and they don’t remember.

The anger I feel in those moments is just the reaction. Beneath it is a sense of feeling unimportant, isolated, or alone. That vulnerability is hard to sit with. It feels raw, exposed, and uncomfortable, and my brain doesn’t like staying there. Anger feels better. Anger feels stronger. It’s motivating, constructive, and full of momentum. It gives a sense of power when I feel powerless.

In this piece, the eyes represent the constant search for understanding—a need to feel seen, heard, and validated. The teeth are the reaction—the defensive anger that comes out when feeling rejected or ignored. The clash of reds and blues reflects those opposing emotions: the cold isolation of being hurt and the hot, protective surge of anger.

I’m working to break this cycle by slowing down and recognizing what’s underneath the anger. When I feel that fire rising, I try to pause and ask myself: Am I feeling disconnected? Do I feel unseen? Most of the time, the answer is yes. And when I can name those emotions and express them instead of lashing out, it’s much better.

This process isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable, especially when it involves people I care about. But understanding and being able to express what’s really going on has helped me reconnect and feel less alone.